fragmentsofagirl.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

yes ah. thursday is gone and friday is here. soon it'll be weekend. planning to stay at home and slack. cause after this week, i think i'll start preparing for FYP. for computer programming just now, we were supposed to go mr. chen's class. the lecturer who taught me last semester. i mean it's because of him that i failed the module, why should i still be in his class? it doesn't make sense. so we went to his class first, but the students said there were more of their classmates coming. so we had to join dr. liu's class. which is way better. thank God. and frankly, dr. liu taught us more. in the few hours i was in his class, i actually learnt something compared to last sem. so at least now, there's the will to learn.

sort of went shopping yesterday. bought half jacket, or in ain speak, baju baby. and this Gola bag i've been eyeing. i actually saw the white/blue one in jurong point. but when i was at far east yesterday. i saw the brown one. so i bought that instead. woohoo. now i only have to treat my family HJH Maimunah. and then i can use the rest of money to go KL!! hehe.

genting, 1Utama, MidValley, KLCC. weeeeeee. can't wait for genting. the flying coaster. oh oh. berjaya. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. no more dna mixer though. bad bad memories. the movies i'll watch. maybe i'll watch da vinci code there. hmm. insya'allah.

FB FO camp next week. can't wait for it too.

looking for the right one

10:00 pm
ilovedjason

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

i've been disappointed yet again. but it seems like the disappointment has yet again surprised me. i mean. i've been hit with disappointments alot lately. i should be immune to it. whatever lah. it's settled now.

yay. i have be without you already. thanx ain!!

going out after school tomorrow. got a date with my classmates. shopping date. woohoo. if i can buy my gola bag tomorrow, i'll be so happy. and after i'll be saving for my kl trip. insya'allah.

yesterday was also another bad day for me. it was my breaking point. that i even cried. there were so many reasons to why i broke down. haiz. i hope it was a good cry. cause i can't afford to break down again. i hope everything will my way this time. i want my shot at happiness now.

9:23 pm
ilovedjason

Sunday, April 23, 2006

maybe it's best that i've never met or seen him. i don't think i can stand to bear the consequences. hey. there are other fishes in the sea. ocean. whatever.

in the words of a broken heart
it's just emotion that's taken over me
caught up in sorrow
lost in my soul
but if you don't come back
come home to me, darling
don't you know there's nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight

and where are now
now that i need you
tears on my pillow wherever you go
i'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean
you'll never see me fall apart

i thought about you for a long time
can't seem to get you off my mind
i can't understand why we're living life this way
i found your picture today
i swear i'll change my ways

since you've been gone
my world's been dark and grey
you reminded of brighter days
i hoped you were coming home to stay

combination of lyrics from emotion and picture. with this, i hope i can finally let him go. even though i never had him in the first place. in adam levine's words, my Sweetest Goodbye to you.

11:19 am
ilovedjason

Saturday, April 22, 2006

choices are supposed to be easy. either a yes or no. want or don't want. but we being human beings, love complicating stuff. hence the complications arise. but no matter what our decision is, we should be prepared to bear the consequences. good or bad. i made certain choices that i'm not entirely proud of but i have no regrets. behind my choices are weird reasons.

i'll admit that sometimes i'm just too hardheaded. too stubborn for my own good. but that's just me. i am me.

went out with the bestfriends just now. i was forced to treat them breeks. hah. no lah. it's something i had to do. being it my first official pay. and they're the bestfriends who stuck with through thick and thin. it's a way to thank them. so i treated them breeks. it set me $70+ back. haha. but no amount of money can measure the thanks i feel towards them. the love i have for them. so. I LOVE YOU, DEE, SU. THANX!! :D

the heart to heart was kinda expected. haha. sat down at coffee bean and chilled. took pics. su, dee. aku really sorry ah. but that's how i feel. aku ni klakar sikit org nye. su. i'll try to take your advice. haha. i'll try to find a good suitor for myself. kalau ade.

our eyes locked a couple of times.
stealing glances when there were chances.

10:51 pm
ilovedjason

Thursday, April 20, 2006

will i ever be okay?

didn't go for comp prog just now. because ain and kim didn't want to see that bloody chen. met yani soon after and headed for the booth. the turnout yesterday was better. hopefully a good lot of them can make it for the camp.

watched take the lead already. and it's damned good movie. i've always loved dance. and this movie made me love it more. i was impressed with the tango sequence. in someone's words, it was indeed orgasmic. hehe. i wished i could dance like that. i wished i could dance at all. it sucks not being able to dance. it sucks that i don't get to do the things i want. it sucks that i don't get what i want. it sucks. big time.

with my prolonged bad day. and the added stress. i warn you peeps. don't fcuk with me.

give me a reason to smile
cause it's been gone for a while
as i know from this pain
you'll gain.

10:03 pm
ilovedjason

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

in class now. and i'm surfing the net. as usual. hahaha. bought my footwear yesterday. it's so damned comfortable. but it's not birks. when my pay is more, then i'll get birks. also bought a new notebook. worth the splurge. hmm. what else? hah. i think i'll spend some on saturday. i want my starbucks. i want my coffee bean.

cca week starts later. see me then.

9:42 am
ilovedjason

Monday, April 17, 2006

school is official. my year 3. so old ah.

did my first batch of shopping just now. with ain. just bought my skirt. and couple of face stuff. ain. sabar tau. kene tunggu sampai kim, yen, rudy dapt gaji baru bole shop giler2. hehe.

can't wait for this sat. treating my bestfriends breeks. insya'allah.

watched 2 of my fave shows. where's the controversy in DH? grey's anatomy is better and better each week. funnier too.

i'm in loooooooooooove.
i'm in loveee.
his soothing voice is my saviour.
his words takes me to a place like no other.
his wit is charming.
he's jason mraz.

someone sing me Bella Luna and i swear i'll fall in love with you. hah. you have to be a guy. tall preferably. good singing voice. nice to look at. good and toned bod. charming personality. you can be my dream guy who sings me Bella Luna. hey. maybe my dream guy is jason mraz. hahahahaha. Life Is Wonderful, Geek In The Pink, Mr. Curiousity, Bella Luna.

don't be fooled by this facade.
i may be smiling.
but somewhere else in me,
i'm wounded in a thousand ways.

11:56 pm
ilovedjason

Saturday, April 15, 2006

it's my last day at work and naturally i should feel happy right? but somehow, i feel like i'm having my worst day ever.

it started from last night.

i went to bed early. my usual routine would be me reading my book. i was reading and it so happens that i finished already. and the time was 10+. i was lazy to fight with my brother for the comp and i was lazy to browse the channels for a good movie, so i decided to sleep. after tossing and turning alot of times, i still couldn't sleep. with my eyes closed i thought about the day. reflections ah konon tu. but thinking just made me feel more unsettled. it kept me up. and then i tried to stop thinking. and i still couldn't sleep. so i turned to my discman for some music. i thought i fell asleep for some minutes, but i don't know why i awoke suddenly. by the end of the cd that i was listening to, i still couldn't sleep. then i remembered an article saying that if you can't sleep tyring taking deep breaths and counting. i thought that would work. but i gave up. i just turned to my side, and said my prayers for the umpteeth times. and i went to sleep.

and then i was dreaming. and guess what my dream was. i was walking the corridors of a certain block in sp. and i dreamt that i had a 'something' on my back. and i was trying my hardest to shrug it off. and i when i got 'it' off my back, i was awake once again. and i checked the time and it was at 1am+. i think i know what triggered this dream. knowing that we'll be bunking at t22 for fb camp has not settled with me. and it's really bothering me. because when i was in yr1, my classmates and i were exploring the business area. and we decided to explore the red bridge. the moment we got off the lift, ain, ham and i felt something cold, something that sent chills down our spine. and the 3 of us looked at each other. and when we asked the guys, they said they didn't feel anything.

i woke up in the morning. got ready for work. and then just now i checked my new timetable and it didn't include my FYP. and i was like SHIT!! F*CK!! and it's a freaking year long shit. and all this shit happens because of me failing a module not even remotely related to my course. and guess what? repeating the module with the same lecturer teaching me. ahhhhhhhhhhh!!

i need a getaway. a long getaway. i need timeoff from all the shit that's happening.

i want to disappear.

10:29 am
ilovedjason

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

countdown to end of itp: 1 and 1/2 days.

hope time will pass faster.

topic for today. nothing really.

i hope i'm doing the right thing.
i hope history doesn't repeat itself.
i hope i'll be okay.

it wasn't on my side before. so why should i think it would be now? why do i think of the future when the present isn't really clear? i keep hoping you'll appear from that corner. or the phone will ring at anytime. and i keep thinking. thinking of you. it hadn't even start. and i feel like i'm losing something that i never had in the first place.

i'm looking for love this time
sounding hopeful
but it's making me cry
trying not to ask why
love is a mystery
mr. ... ...
come back to me.

11:00 pm
ilovedjason

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

ain and i are back at headquarters. this time until the end of the freaking attachment. 2 and half days.

i have nothing to write really. if i write the things that are on my mind, you'll think i'm being jiwang. so no. i'm not writing about the things on my mind.

now i'm waiting for charmed on starworld. and chatting with the bestfriend and some classmates. irritating classmates they are. hahahahahaha.

counting down to the end of itp and in comes the money. muahahaha. i have some serious thinking to do. shit.

i'm at my wit's end on what to write. so i'm ending this. now!

okay wait!! i want to say something.

BYE!!

11:10 pm
ilovedjason

Sunday, April 09, 2006

the maulud just now was, how to say this. hmm. tiring. sitting down from 0830 to 1330. my legs were aching. this is the biggest gathering of the muslim community that i've been to. so when i go umrah or haji, i can expect the same thing. only in larger quantity. insya'allah.

during the majlis, there was nasyid performances. the older men group were okay. and then came the aljunied students. the so-called lead singer. fuh!! handsome giler. that goatee. that voice. and he sang really well in arab. i so envy his ability to speak arab. lalalalalala. dee, remember you said that kau cair bile ade org tu azan?? kalau kau dgr si dekni nyanyi tadi, kau mesti cair nye. i couldn't take my eyes off him. ish. org gi maulud utk menyanbut kelahiran nabi (saw), i'm here talking abt guys. sorry ya. it must be the girl in me.

after the maulud, went to brunch at airport. ate mee rebus, tau huey, and drank very sweet pineapple drink.

at 4 i set off to ite simei. got to watch ah shan's match. good job owls. then finally got to watch nhac tre play. they're okay lah. the match to look out just now was genesis-mrf. in a word it was GANAS!! justin was very aggressive. matt got 3 2-mins. tim as usual was himself. there a point in the game where mrf had 3 players in the 2-mins 'thing'. one of the nicest goal came from hadi. it was beautiful. a shot from half court. bo only saw a blur. kwakwakwa. and of course. joakim from mrf had some nice goals too. after a lot of shouting and falling and pushing and jill scolding her brothers, mrf won the game 5-7. i thought it was a fair game even though i'm a genesis fan. i got to watch my new coach play. national captain. captain for the mrf. sara is one damned good player.

jill quek - 28
justin quek - 26?
matt quek - 21
benji quek - 20
tim quek - 19
martha quek??

i love how the siblings play. jill is the best player in singapore for the women. and the quek boys have good rhythm. that was probably the last time i'm seeing justin quek play. heehee.

work tomorrow. how the hell am i going to explain myself if they ask? shit. it might another 4 or 5 more days to end of itp. yay!! my bro is having his SB orientation tomorrow. su. on 17th april, kau bole start carik adek aku. giler. kau adek handsome, tgk lah kakak die. ehem ehem. muahahaha. tak tau malu.

okay lah. wanna go read some. and then sleep. shit happens tomorrow.

11:46 pm
ilovedjason

Friday, April 07, 2006

after work just now, met the bestfriends. after weeks of not seeing them together, i finally get to cure my kerinduan. as usual there was the 'debate' of where to eat. after much talk, we ended up eating at bk. macam biase su and i were made to order. at the counter, i realised it was the same guy from last week who took my order. i kept looking at what he was doing at. and su kept saying, 'mal. tak cute. takya tgk.' ish budak ni. aku tak find die cute lah. aku suke tgk org buat keje. he's average looking what. macam seth. cute geek. the purpose for today was to look for su's shoes. but instead dee and i were looking at shoes. haha. i have some shoes on my mind. flats. open toed. clutch. okay a clutch is a bag not a shoe. hehe. so many things to buy.

my bestfriends and my close friend said the same thing today. abt the same guy. if the guy in question happens to be lying. too bad ah. he's not my jodoh. jodoh di tangan Tuhan. kite yg merancang, Dia yg menentukan. this is the thing about guys. they have such a way about sweet talking girls. i think it's a natural gift. and sometimes i think us girls, fall too easily for this type of guys. love is a game. knowing we could win or lose, we love to play it.

waiting for pics from dee. lalalalalala.

11:09 pm
ilovedjason

Thursday, April 06, 2006

attached to site today. fusionpolis. way better than kovan melody. okay lah. don't want to talk about work. it's BORING!!

april is here. and soon may will come. and the most anticipated movies are expected. xmen3 and da vinci code. an all time fave cartoon series and my fave book into a movie. BEST!! can't wait!! i don't have 'dates' for the movies yet. so if you're free and i'm free, holler me ya!! we'll enjoy the movies together2!! hahaha. hopefully by then, he'll be done with his NS. insya'allah.

this sunday is my most anticipated day. maulud in the morning and then floorball in the afternoon. GO JUSTIN! GO JUSTIN!! GO MATT! GO MATT!! hahaha. i hope the queks can get through the mrf's defence. go GENESIS!! okay lah.

su!! aku dah update. i hope it's not boring!!
shaz!! aku nak gambar training. smue!! kau host it somewhere. then aku amek from there ah.
sal!! abt this sunday, just sms aku je k.

9:15 pm
ilovedjason

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

STOP OBSSESSING
Stressing about size won't make you look or feel better. But if you learn to respect your body, you'll take better care of it-- and love the results.

Change Your Mindset

Get Technical
Studies show if you appreciate your body, you are more likely to treat it well by eating right and exercising (the things that lead to healthy weight!). Athletes like Michelle Kwan respect the amazing things their bodies do, so they take care of themselves-- you can too!

Forget Mirrors
You're much more than your looks: You're a whole person with talents and ideas. If you don't realise that, you'll always judge yourself by what you see in the mirror-- not by your accomplishments. The older you get, the less satisfied you'll be with yourself-- so you'll be less likely to take care your body.

Be Honest
When you "feel fat", you really feel insecure or sad-- "fat" isn't a feeling! It's easy to blame your thighs, but if you deal with the real problem (like the guy who blew you off), you'll see "I'm fat" is code for "I'm sad" or "I'm upset". Then you won't beat up your body. You'll address the real issue.

taken from the april issue of seventeen

2:10 pm
ilovedjason

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

i took leave from work today. to school to ask elizabeth chow about my repeat module. seesh. and of course to eat school food. i miss mee bandung, macaroni goreng, nasi ayam, nasi lemak. cheap school food. haiz. like i said to sal, i'm beginning to appreciate school life.

sal!! aku dah bilang bapak aku. die ckp okay. agaknye. muahaha.

countdown to end of itp: 9 WORKDAYS

can't wait.

i can't seem to move away from this grey cloud hanging above me.
when is sunshine going to come?
when will my day brighten?

11:27 am
ilovedjason

Sunday, April 02, 2006

weekend is over. haiz. so fast. it's back to work tomorrow. haiz.

i hope friday is the last day that i need to go to site. doing nothing there. and i also feel intimadated there. an all-men working environment. sexually frustrated men. a roomful of men. alone with only your friend and men. do you know how intimidating it is? and sometimes these men shout at each other as if they were really going to fight with each other. and everywhere you walked, all the workers will turn and take a LONG look at you. a long leering look. and the place where i'm working is, to me, isolated. so i really hope that friday was the last day there.

met yen and rudy with ain at town. looked for someone's overdued present. hopefully she likes it. it was fun seeing my classmates again. i seldom see them. so it was good to see them.

went to dee's pentas yesterday. i liked the dances. but they were so little compared to last year's. which was also funnier and funner. this year's pentas focused more on dikir. and i couldn't get the point of the whole thing. what was the whole thing supposed to say? that kemelayuan and kemodenan is ... ... help me out here. i'm blur on this matter. overall, i thought last year's was better. way better. no offence to those involved.

training just now with the new coach, sara. he's a good coach. we relived the basic floorball days. it was back to learning shots properly and a bit of tactics just now. it was tiring but good. felt like finally training.

floorball!! haiz. i'm so in love with the sport. hahahahaha. genesis beat innebandy 5-10. muahahahaha. yes ah. they're through to the semis. yes ah. yes. yes yes yes!!! genesis the true underdogs. merahans could have gotten into the semis. but they lost in the penalty shootout. next year, kiddos.

danceworks '06 was last night. i didn't go because of dee's pentas. shaz's bros won the competition. congrats guys. next year i'll go. insya'allah.

2 weeks to go. yay!

9:33 pm
ilovedjason